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When people hear of abuse and violence, they immediately look to the person involved. And yet abuse and violence are outcomes, not behaviors or people.  To understand the outcome, one must understand the motivation.  All behavior is goal-directed. For example, in terms of self-abuse, the goal is escape and avoidance; in domestic abuse, the goal is coercive power and control; in child abuse, avoidance and compliance; and in cyber-abuse, manipulation and revenge.

The motivation behind abuse is every bit a part of the human condition as are safety and security; both are outcomes and both are goal-directed for validation and cooperation.  As I have pointed out before, the human condition is a wanting condition never satisfied.  The drives to wanting are independence and competence.  All behaviors are motivated by these drives.  Motivation alone does not necessitate behavior.  The instigation to all human behavior is either the innate need for comfort over discomfort or the processing of fear or desire.  Understand the motivation and one can understand the behavior.  Understand the behavior, and one can implement an efficient process of change.  Without understanding the human condition, all change is short-lived.

Put into Action

Humans all think the same way, and yet, what we think and feel is unique.  No two people share the exact same images and self-talk, either real or contrived.   When we think of what was or will be, we validate an image.  All images are neutral until we apply thought.  We all think in words, and the vocabulary we use in our thoughts gives meaning to our images.  In turn, we validate what we are experiencing as real.

Perceived reality is conflict.  It is the conflict of reflecting upon what was, realizing what is in the moment, and projecting it into the future as fear or desire.  Or, it is the conflict of reaching into the future, filtering the future through what was, experiencing the past in the present moment, and projecting it into the future as fear or desire.  After all, fear and desire are the two emotional responses that instigate all behavior.  Understand the fear or desire and you can understand the motivation.  Everything else is fanciful fictional magical thinking orientated to feel better about one’s self.

Tags: Domestic violence, Human behavior, Motivation, Violence and Abuse